hey, look here please, i need your help out me with this if you could nice person…yes you’re a nice person?
ouraged," says Dr. Lauren Durant, a clinical psychologist and relationship expert in Durham, N.C. In her national seminar and workbook A Good Man is NOT Hard to Find, she compiles a list of 54 questions, arranged from most invasive to least invasive, that a woman should ask within the first three months of dating. "If you start asking questions and the guy runs away, that’s exactly what you want. It sets you up to meet someone who does want what you want."
Paula Williams, a 30-something entertainment manager and business owner in Raleigh, N.C., recommends an upfront approach. Once afraid to tackle the tough questions, the single executive followed Durant’s principles and has been pleased with the results. "I’ve gotten such positive responses from men by being more upfront, asking some of the more difficult questions, and learning about myself in the process."
So, next time, be informed before you get involved by tackling the questions that you’ve always wanted answers to, but were too afraid to ask.
1. Do you practice safe sex?
Whether you’re having sex with your partner or not, knowing a mate’s sexual behavior is a critical component of building a relationship. "If you are having sex now, or plan to in the future, you need to know your partner’s sexual habits," says Dr. Durant. "You need to know if your mate uses condoms, and if so, if he uses them with everyone, or just certain people. You need to know if he’s gotten anyone pregnant, or if she’s terminated any pregnancies. You want to know how many partners they’ve had. And you want to know if they’ve ever been HIV-tested, and whether they would be willing to be tested with you." Experts warn singles to beware of the people who are elusive, vague or hostile when discussing their sexual history, as this may be indicative of larger issues.
2. What is your fantasy? Although there is some debate about this question (many critics citing that it redirects efforts outside of the relationship instead of within), others maintain its value depending on the circumstance. "Exploring fantasy depends on how the relationship is moving," says Eric V. Copage, author of SoulMates, An Illustrated Guide to Black Love Sex and Romance. "If it’s a relationship that is solely sexual, you can ask it right away. But, if there is more to your involvement than sex, you have to be mindful of the goal of the relationship, and whether or not your partner’s fantasies violate those desires. Inquire about the wildest act someone has ever done sexually, and this may give you some insight into his or her willingness or desire to engage in fantasy."
3. Are you in debt? Although it is a sensitive topic, understanding your mate’s financial habits, not necessarily how much he or she earns, is essential to the success of a long-term relationship. "Even in the short run, spending habits can be indicators of character, values and personality," says Dr. Paris Finner-Williams, lawyer, psychologist and co-author (along with husband, Robert Williams) of Marital Secrets: Dating, Lies, Communication and Sex. In their book, the Detroit-based couple lists 105 questions for couples to consider before getting engaged. "People often complain about the exact behaviors that they saw before they got married, or before they became seriously involved. But they failed to investigate or ask the pertinent questions in order to truly understand how that person’s habits translated into character. We encourage people to go into a relationship with not only their hearts open, but their eyes as well."
4. Why did you break up with your ex? While you don’t want to spend your entire date talking about ex-partners, there are advantages to knowing the reasons behind your new lover’s break-up, or in many cases, divorce. "I wouldn’t recommend it for the first date, but you want to know fairly quickly if you plan to be involved beyond the immediate," says Copage. "Your lover’s answer can tell you a lot about them, their character, their tendencies, how they react or overreact to different situations, what their tolerance levels are as well as their quirks." More importantly, if you don’t completely address why the past relationship failed, you are likely to duplicate those issues in your current relationship.
5. What is your idea of an ideal mate? Knowing what your potential mate finds attractive is fundamental. "You need to know if you come close to that person’s idea of an ideal mate," says Dr. Williams, the Detroit lawyer and psychologist who has counseled singles and couples for over 30 years. "When there is discord, the person will have a tendency to gravitate toward what they are attracted to, and if that image is not consistent with who you are, your new partner may wander off in the direction of that attraction." So, if you are dating someone new, ask that person what his or her "type" is, and how you fit into their definition of desirable.
good qustion



http://buildamagneticnetwork.com/showcontent/2009/07/22/episode-15-part-1-of-3-the-list-building-maestro-with-tracy-repchuk
http://www.UltimateListbuildingMasterclass.com